These Words given by My Parent Which Helped Us when I became a New Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of becoming a dad.

But the truth rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her chief support as well as looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a healthy space. You need assistance. How can I help you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about PND, far less attention is paid about the challenges fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a broader reluctance to open up among men, who still absorb damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to seek help. I failed to do that fast enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably in preference to a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a break - going on a few days away, outside of the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he had to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen lacked stable male parenting. Despite having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to change how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - when you are swamped, speak to a friend, your other half or a professional how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - keep doing the things that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. This might be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their journeys, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the most effective way you can care for your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead provide the safety and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they faced their issues, transformed how they express themselves, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I feel like my job is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."